Stream of Consciousness
Short posts on random thoughts and things I notice in the world. This is my own Twitter (RIP). For medium to long form posts, visit the blog.
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Being depressed sucks. Most people think of it as being extremely sad, but at least in my case that's not it. Right now I feel nothing. As in, I should be sad, maybe? But I just can't. There's just this sensation of heaviness that tells me that I should be feeling something, but I don't. I'm just... here.
That thing, when combined with ADHD makes for a weird cocktail. I'm inattentive, and with that comes impaired motivation. I can do things when there's interest, urgency, challenge or novelty. Right now I'm extremely stressed, and while my depression makes me not want to do anything, my stress-ridden brain jump-starts me into action because of the urgency. I end up being a weird robot doing things without the slightest motivation, but doing them nonetheless.
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It is ridiculous to watch a season of a TV series and then having to wait 2-3 years for a new season. Something has to change, and I think it will as soon as someone figure it out and the rest have to follow through or lose audience.
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The magnetic particles in a mixtape hold much more than just music. Baked into the tape is also the person’s intention. They’re in their room, hovering over the pause button wondering if you’ll catch the meaning behind that lyric they chose. Hoping you feel what they felt when they first heard that guitar solo. Each moment on the tape is a moment spent thinking about you.
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Some days my brain jumps from one place to the other constantly. It's difficult to get anything done. And I think it's both the feeling itself, and not getting things done that make my anxiety spike.
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I gave vibecoding a second chance this week, this time sticking to technologies I'm familiar with. Instead of trying to make an iOS app (a completely unfamiliar territory for me) I made some web apps for very specific needs of my own. It was like night and day. A few hours here and there over the week, and now I have two really really useful web apps that I'm sure I will use every day.
I'll make a proper post as soon as I can get to it, but I wanted to save this note as a reminder that this stuff can be good.
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I just listened to Cory Doctorow's Daddy Daughter Podcast, a talk with his 16-year-old daughter. His struggles to have her talking and elaborating about things, and her reluctance to be in the episode made me feel so calm about my own teenager and the dynamics of interacting with him.
I think the earlier we dads accept that there's no way to change how irremediably uncool we are in the eyes of our teenage kids, the smoother the ride is.
I love you, Andrés. I'm fairly sure you'll never read this, but if for some reason you do, you can bet on that.
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I just had a full conversation with my 8-year-old son about the possibility that we live in a simulation, using our brain's data as an avatar for extending life using an after-death simulated environment and the possibilities of it all. I'm so happy to be raising nerdy kids <3.
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Tengo una sensación extraña cada vez que muere una persona cercana que en alguna medida marcó una diferencia en mi vida. No hablo necesariamente de luto, dolor, o tristeza, sino de esa sensación de que sin esa persona, y con su ausencia poco a poco notándose menos hasta volverse la normalidad, el mundo ya no es igual. No es necesariamente peor, ni mejor, sino diferente.
Aunque uno no cambie mucho, aunque las dinámicas de la vida sigan ininterrumpidas, todo sucede ahora en un lugar distinto.
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I organized my vinyl records, and I found out I have 16 of them still wrapped, new, unplayed. And they're good albums, too. I think starting on Monday I will sit down and listen to one of them daily. I'll report back here. Or maybe I will set-up my music blog —The Headphonist— again, to write about them.
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I got a small pack of Posca paint markers and I want to draw on every surface around me. These are my pocket notebooks.